always comment your code

I came across a stack overflow thread on the worst/funniest programming comments people have come across.  Hilarious stuff.  I read through 10 pages worth and these are my favorites.  Hopefully you non-programmers will get most of them.
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//When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing //Now, God only knows

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// Dear maintainer: // // Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine, // and have realized what a terrible mistake that was, // please increment the following counter as a warning // to the next guy: // // total_hours_wasted_here = 39 //

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stop(); // Hammertime!

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// somedev1 - 6/7/02 Adding temporary tracking of Login screen // somedev2 - 5/22/07 Temporary my ass

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#define TRUE FALSE //Happy debugging suckers

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long john; // silver

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/* * You may think you know what the following code does. * But you dont. Trust me. * Fiddle with it, and youll spend many a sleepless * night cursing the moment you thought youd be clever * enough to "optimize" the code below. * Now close this file and go play with something else. */

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// I don't know why I need this, but it stops the people being upside-down x = -x;

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/** * This method leverages collective synergy to drive "outside of the box" * thinking and formulate key objectives into a win-win game plan with a * quality-driven approach that focuses on empowering key players to drive-up * their core competencies and increase expectations with an all-around * initiative to drive down the bottom-line. I really wanted to work the word * "mandrolic" in there, but that word always makes me want to punch myself in * the face. */ private void updateFileCountLabel() {

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// I will give you two of my seventy-two virgins if you can fix this.

actually written by a Muslim
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last = first; /* Biblical reference */

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// This was way too slow. Just say we didn't find the file. *FoundInTree = FALSE; return(TRUE);

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class Act //That's me!!!

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// this comment included for the benefit of anyone grepping for swearwords: shit.

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public boolean isDirty() { //Why do you always go out and return dirty; }

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// The following strings are meant to be funny. Do not edit these strings // unless you are funny, too. If you don't know if you're funny, you're // not funny. If fewer than 2 people unrelated to you have told you that // you're funny, you're not funny.

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//uncomment the following line if the program manager changes her mind again this week

That one is really useful!
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/** Logger */ private Logger logger = Logger.getLogger();

thanks a lot!
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stepOff(); //bitch

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i++; // increment variable i

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return null; //Not really null

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'TODO: Matt Damon

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// This condition can't happen. Call the police or something.

a funny variation on "this will never happen" that we've all done